Part 3: Date or Job? (The Bite-sized Edition)
It started here, with the first edition of “Date or Job?” where I shared true stories from the lives of my friends who are navigating either the online dating market or 2024’s job market—or both.
And then, with an overwhelming number of new stories to write about, I continued the series here.
And now . . . I’m baa-aaack! Because, guess what? The stories keep coming. And memorializing all the insanity I’m hearing in this somewhat silly, almost cartoonish way feels like I’m doing something therapeutic for the world in this, the Year of Our QueenTaylor Swift and King Travis Kelce, who keep supplying us with giddy joy, while other ominous figures fill us with dark and gloomy dread. (Looking at you, Inflation, Election Year, High Interest Rates, Layoffs, Climate Change and White Collar Recession.)
But this time, if you’ll indulge me, I’m going to memorialize these new stories in a different way.
I came out of the womb with a 5,000-word essay on the tips of my chubby little baby fingers—writing long-form content is as natural to me as breathing. It’s why I aced every assignment or test that asked me to “expound” on this or that. It’s why I could bullshit my way through every English class and/or book report (even if I’d only read the Cliffs Notes). It’s why I said, at the ripe old age of 7, “I want to be a journalist.”
And I was. For a few years. Then I discovered copywriting . . . and I fell in love with the challenge of whittling 5,000 words down to 5.
So, you can get more detailed versions of “Date or Job?” stories in the posts I linked above, but here, my friends, you’re going to get a copywriter’s version. Think digital ads, billboard copy, push notifications and marketing emails.
Same game though, guys: Am I talking about someone trying to get a date or someone trying to get a job? All based on true stories. Go forth and guess. (Answer key at the bottom.)
#1: “Fishing Out of Your League”
Champagne on a Beer Budget
Bring the sparkle & bubbles, but keep your expectations flat.
CTA: FORGET YOUR WORTH
#2: “I’ve Got You Where I Want You”
The Best Things in Life are Free
Especially when I’d have to pay you a grand if you weren’t so desperate.
CTA: DO THIS FREE 8-HOUR ASSIGNMENT OR GET REJECTED (and probably still get rejected, if we’re honest)
#3: “You’re Perfect the Way You Are . . . Wait, Never Mind”
You’re the Peanut Butter to My Jelly
Which would be great if peanuts didn’t murder me.
CTA: PSYCH—STAY AWAY
#4: “Promises, Shmomises”
I’ve Got You, Babe
Just like Sonny had Cher: Not for long.
CTA: KEEP LOOKING. BABE.
#5: “It Sounded Good at First, but Something Seems Amiss”
You’re the Girl of My (Literal) Dreams
After I’ve binged a season of “Kill Eve,” drank mushroom tea, and forgot to wear my CPAP mask.
CTA: RUN, THERE ARE RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE
#6: “Never Mind”
The Only Thing Certain is Death and Taxes
So I’m off the hook when I renege on everything I told you.
CTA: LOL, JK, AND OMG FORGET EVERYTHING
Answer Key
1: Job
2: Job (obvi)
3: Date
4: Job
5: Job
6: Date AND Job (two different stories, two separate markets, same weird vibe)
