5 Things Tinder Can Teach Us About Marketing

In this age of social media and online dating, everyone is a marketer. But (and this is a huge but) not everyone understands marketing.

 If you don’t believe me, see Tinder, a dating app that’s basically a marketing platform for singles. There’s no room to get wordy or post your niece’s confirmation pics; you have a split-second to convince someone to swipe right and become next Friday night’s date. It’s all about creating a kick-ass ad that says, “I’m amazing.”

 Some people get how to do that. Some . . . don’t.

 Before you judge (because how would I know this if I wasn’t on Tinder myself?), let me say that I don’t take this seriously. I have another blog where I share the comedy of errors that is my dating life, and Tinder allows me to meet a diverse cast of characters. I’m not looking for either love or hook-ups on the app; I’m looking for blog content. It’s also given me material for writing this. Lucky you. You get to laugh and/or cringe along with me for a minute. Here are a few real-life Tinder “marketing” attempts, straight from the app—and what we can learn from them.

 1. “You are so out of my league that if I saw lightening at this minute, I wouldn’t hear thunder for two weeks.” Dang. Creative, right? I got this right after we swiped each other right. I probably would have responded if he hadn’t followed it with four more texts about his two failed marriages and IBS condition.

 Lesson learned: In marketing, less is more. You gotta know when to shut up and let your main message do the talking.

 2. “I don’t get it. Why are you still single?” How the heck do you answer that? “Because I’m butt-ugly and a high-maintenance pain in the neck.” Or maybe with a question right back: “Why are you still an idiot?” I started to explain that my current relationship status was my choice, not a disability, but why bother—it was easier to just say, “Because I keep running into men like you.”

 Lesson learned: If you want to win someone over, don’t start by putting her on the defensive. Backhanded compliments are rarely taken in a complimentary fashion.

 3. “I’m pretty much a god in my industry; I’d be doing you a favor to go out with you.” Be still my heart—if narcissism isn’t the way to woo a woman, I don’t know what is. This was from man who man who was (allegedly) employed by the San Francisco 49ers and, apparently, kind of a big deal. I’ll admit, I chatted with him out of curiosity, but the prospect of dating someone who would always be more in love with himself was too much of a turn-off.

 Lesson learned: You’re more likely to win hearts if you make your message about the other person. A god complex will rarely get you praise.

 4. “Hey sexy, how about you come over and XXXX my XXXX?” If you’ve been on any dating app for a hot second, I’m sure you’re not surprised that an opening line or two shows up that I cannot repeat here. However, I am. I’m surprised that people keep trying stuff like this when my informal research has shown it doesn’t work with the ladies and will get you unmatched faster than a right swipe on a Ryan Gosling lookalike. Dudes be like, “It’s my Tinder and I’ll be naughty if I want to be.” And the ladies be like, “Not if you want to get with me.”

Lesson learned: You may have an end goal in mind, but if it’s going to scare, offend or chase off your intended audience, keep it to yourself. Your message should be written to attract attention, not shut down the sales cycle before it can even begin.

5. “Hi.” I mean, I guess there’s nothing wrong with a text like this. But neither is there anything right. Where do we go from here?

Me: Hi.

Him: How are you?

Me: Fine. You?

Him: Great.

Me: Good.

Him: Hot enough for ya?

Me: Yep. You?

Him: Could be cooler.

 Are you feeling the chemistry? It’s off the hook, right? This conversation is headed toward a hot, steamy—what? Cup of coffee? No sugar, no cream. Just straight up black, uninteresting and boring. If I get a “hi” as an opening line (and I do often), I simply don’t respond. If a guy can’t put forth a little more effort, I can’t be bothered to engage.

 Lesson learned: If you want to hook your reader, be creative—or at least interesting. If I want a boring Friday night, I’ll stay home and paint my house. Then watch it dry.

My challenge to you: Don’t work on your elevator speech. Take 500 characters and create a Tinder blurb. How are you going to market your personal brand in that amount of space? I’ll leave the photo selection up to you, I’m sure you can handle it—just know that flexed-in-the-mirror gym selfies, shots with sedated tigers, yoga poses and “I’m somewhere in the middle of this group surrounded by hot people” pictures are overdone.

 Happy swiping.